Politically Incorrect

I had just come out of the store with two porterhouse steaks, a jumbo

sausage, a bag of chips, and a 6-pack of beer. A homeless man sat

there and said, "I haven't eaten for two days."

I told him, "I wish I had your frickin' will power."
 

Top tip: if you're camping in the summer and the attractive girl in

the next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping

with her flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex. 

Wish me luck.....I appear in court next Monday.

A fat girl served me food in McDonalds at lunch time. She said, 'sorry

about the wait.' I said, 'don't worry, you're bound to lose it

eventually.'
 

I was behind a rather large woman at the checkout. 

She had on a pair of jeans that said, 'Guess.'

So, I said, "I don't know........maybe 350 pounds."
 

Snow in the forecast! The TV weather gal said she was expecting 8

inches tonight, I thought to myself "fat chance with a face like

that!"
 

I have a new pick up line that works every time! It doesn't matter how

gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner

and always end up in bed with them. Here's how it goes, "Excuse me

love, could I ask your opinion?  Does this damp cloth smell like

chloroform to you?"
 

Years ago it was suggested 'that an apple a day kept the doctor 

away..'   But since  many 

doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon

sandwich works best.
 

I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things

commonly found in cells. Apparently Blacks and Mexicans were not the

correct answers.